Getting clients is hard; retaining them is much easier.
This is why Relationship-Based Marketing (RBM) is such a good idea for businesses with long sales cycles.
Under the RBM framework, customer experience and retention are extremely important. This is why RBM is such an enjoyable and highly profitable practice.
If we want to retain clients, we must master the art of building GREAT relationships with them. Here is how to do it.
Business relationships are still human relationships
Naturally, business relationships are different from romantic relationships or friendships. Yet, they are still human relationships that require trust, respect, and mutual understanding.
Whether the context of a relationship is personal or professional, each of us brings biases shaped by our childhood. Psychologists who study Attachment Theory explore how our early emotional bonds with our caregivers shape our patterns in later relationships.
They identify four primary attachment styles:
- Disorganized Attachment: A mix of contradictory behaviors, often linked to fear and unpredictability in relationships.
- Secure Attachment: Characterized by trust, reliability, and comfort with intimacy and independence.
- Anxious Attachment: Marked by fear of abandonment, clinginess, and seeking constant reassurance.
- Avoidant Attachment: Defined by emotional distance, self-reliance, and discomfort with closeness.
Understanding our clients' attachment style
While these attachment styles are often discussed in the context of romantic relationships, I have experienced them all in my professional relationships as well. If we extrapolate these patterns into client archetypes in relation to their provider, they might look something like this:
1. The Secure Client (Secure Attachment)
- Characteristics: Trusts the provider’s expertise, communicates openly, and values mutual collaboration. Sets clear expectations and maintains professional boundaries. Balances trust with accountability, providing autonomy but expecting results.
- Strengths: Encourages a healthy, win-win relationship that benefits both parties.
- Pitfall: May inadvertently overlook warning signs if the relationship takes a downturn, assuming goodwill from the provider.
- Provider tip: Maintain this trust with consistency and transparency.
2. The Overly Dependent Client (Anxious Attachment)
- Characteristics: Seeks constant reassurance and involvement in every detail of the provider’s work. Fears being overlooked or de-prioritized. Struggles to trust the provider’s autonomy, and may micromanage.
- Strengths: Highly engaged and invested in the outcomes.
- Pitfall: This can overwhelm the provider, creating inefficiencies and stress.
- Provider tip: They might find it more accessible to trust a fair process/system rather than you. This process should clearly state boundaries, regular updates, and proactive communication to reassure them.
3. The Distant Client (Avoidant Attachment)
- Characteristics: Prefers minimal interaction, maintaining a strictly transactional relationship. Often unclear about their needs or avoid sharing details upfront. Shows reluctance to engage in collaborative problem-solving or feedback. Has little emotional connection to the process.
- Strengths: Allows the provider significant autonomy and freedom to operate.
- Pitfall: Lack of engagement may lead to misunderstandings or unmet expectations.
- Provider tip: Respect their communication style, but clearly state the shared responsibility and keep them accountable for their part.
4. The Unpredictable Client (Disorganized Attachment)
- Characteristics: Alternates between dependence and avoidance, creating inconsistent dynamics. May start with high enthusiasm and involvement but withdraw unexpectedly. Provides unclear or conflicting feedback, leading to confusion. Reacts emotionally or unpredictably to challenges, making it hard to build trust.
- Strengths: Can offer creative input or unique perspectives when engaged.
- Pitfall: Inconsistency can strain the relationship, reducing efficiency and trust.
- Provider tip: Set clear expectations and use contracts or frameworks to stabilize the relationship. Protect legally.
Lessons for better client relationships
These archetypes help us understand why people relate the way they do. While some individuals may be "problematic" and not worth the pain, the vast majority of people simply need reassurance. There 4 practices that have completely shaped my business and have granted me with long-standing relationships.
1. Create Proximity
Proximity means creating frequent and direct touchpoints with your clients. At MoonDesk, we schedule weekly calls with our clients. I prefer picking up the phone or jumping on a Zoom call over sending a lengthy email.
While proximity can be a resource-intensive practice, the payoff is long-term client retention and more enjoyable relationships. Proximity is especially important at the beginning of a relationship when trust is being established and expectations are being defined.
2. Leverage Co-Creation
Shared experiences strengthen bonds in relationships. Involve clients in co-creating solutions, strategies, or even new products. Examples of co-creation include:
- Creating a Shared Vision: “Let’s clarify what success looks like for this project. What outcomes are most important to you?”
- Mutual Responsibility: “Your expertise in your audience/business combined with our technical skills will create something truly impactful.”
- Feedback Loops: “Here’s a draft based on our earlier discussion. Does this align with your vision, or would you like adjustments?”
- Asking for Help: “This part isn’t working as planned. Based on your expertise, do you think X or Y would be a better approach?”
- Celebrating Wins: “We’re halfway through, and the results so far are amazing. Your ideas about X really shaped this direction.”
3. Addressing Insecure Attachments
Clients with insecure attachments are common and can provide valuable lessons for improving systems. Here’s how to manage these relationships effectively:
- Establish Clear Expectations: “What does success look like to you?” “I can’t promise X, but I can promise Y.” “Here’s our roadmap for the next month. Do you have any questions?”
- Maintain Consistent Communication: Respond to emails within a set timeframe (e.g., 24 hours) and establish predictable communication rhythms.
- Avoid Ambiguity: Be specific. Instead of saying, “I’ll get back to you soon,” say, “I’ll send you the draft by Thursday afternoon.”
- Educate Them on the Process: Insecurity often stems from a lack of understanding or a sense of control. Walk clients through the process to build confidence.
- Monitor Your Own Boundaries: Insecure clients can be emotionally draining. Protect your well-being by setting clear limits and prioritizing self-care.
4. Focus on Building Emotional Safety
Emotional safety means feeling secure enough in a relationship to be yourself without fear of judgment, rejection, or harm. It’s about trusting that the other person will respect your feelings, listen to you, and respond with care.
How do we foster emotional safety in client relationships?
- Be Reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Let your actions reinforce the belief that you are trustworthy.
- Listen Actively: Pay close attention to what clients say, ask clarifying questions, and show empathy for their concerns and ideas.
- Own Your Mistakes: Accountability builds trust and reassures clients that you’ll act in their best interests.
- Normalize Feedback: Create an environment where clients feel comfortable sharing concerns without fear of conflict or judgment.
- Maintain Emotional Neutrality: Stay calm and professional, even if a client is frustrated. Acknowledge their feelings without becoming defensive.
- Celebrate Their Wins: Recognize and celebrate milestones or achievements related to your work together. This reinforces positivity and strengthens the bond.
Final thoughts
At the end of the day, relationships—whether personal or professional—thrive when there’s trust, respect, and a sense of safety. Understanding how people connect (or sometimes disconnect) can transform how we show up for our clients.
By working collaboratively, being honest, and celebrating successes, we turn business into something more meaningful—a real partnership. It’s about creating a space where everyone feels heard, valued, and confident. That’s how you build something that lasts and benefits both sides.